We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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