..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
