The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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