I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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