Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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