I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
