Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
