I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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