Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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