I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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