Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
