I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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