i jhust puked up my retainher.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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