i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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