That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
