he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
