if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
