I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
