Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I want her autograph on my taint
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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