Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
