Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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