It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
