phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
