anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
