i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
