her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
