and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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