if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there is glitter all over my balls
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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