my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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