yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
