I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize