I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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