Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
