talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
