i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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