people are starting to question the shark bite story
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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