you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
