the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
