Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
