I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I see more hoeing in ur future
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
