Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
