even my farts smell like vagina
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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