i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
