Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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