my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
