I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
