honey bunches of taint.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
