So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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