It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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