just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
