i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
