hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
