I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
