Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
