what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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