He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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