Got a toothbrush?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
