This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
