when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
