i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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