Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize