I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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