Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
