she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
