she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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