doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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