He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
