Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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