Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
