Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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