I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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