As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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