i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
